not needed
don't care
not here
not there
why me
why now
why this
...how?
someone else
caught you
someone else?
...that true?
So long
I've left
it's there
a theft
care not
you don't
I know
I won't
A lie
you know?
course not
buried snow.
no more
I'm done
No more
no sun.
stop now
no bend
this is
The End.
(constructive criticism):
ReplyDeleteOnce I was told that it sounds like I'm forcing my rhymes. You know, rhyming for the sake of rhyming, and not to build upon the emotion(s)/thought(s)/message(s) I'm trying to convey. What if a certain phrase sounds absolutely beautiful, but it doesn't really do anything to your poem other than add meaningless filler?
However, if what you rhyme actually is what your uninhibited heart tells you to write, then more power to you. Just something to keep in mind I guess...
(actual opinion):
Like it :-) My favorite line: "It's there, a theft."
Some of the rhymes and pauses between certain words sound awkward in my head, but the way I see it, sincerety is the #1 goal. If those pauses and rhymes are truly what you felt, then keep them.