Myself or Society?

I was asked/reprimanded to think about myself, to consider my own feelings, well-being and well me into situations. In this particular moment the person speaking to me was concerned that I was focusing too much on how to make life easier for everyone around me, but not for myself. I had no response during this conversation other than to agree that I should think about myself every now and then.

Now I know people who only think about themselves. They are rather self-centered and truly believe that the world revolves around them. It's actually quite extraordinary how people can be so focused on how people affect THEM. But not the other way around.

Contrary to that I know people who live to serve others. Not in a hired form, but simply to allow themselves to be used for the better of others. The people I am thinking of have a considerably low self-esteem and believe that they are here in order to make others look better, feel better and be better. They do not consider themselves worth much, but deep down long to be worth something.

I don't believe I am either extreme but somewhere in the middle. I do tend to stray towards the second option because it's easier to control my own feelings in outcomes than deal with the reactions of others when I want to do something for myself.

Case in point. My friends' parents had a couple extra tickets and offered them to my family as a kind gesture.  I and my sister were all agreed to go, and we were to be picked up before the start of the movie. However about an hour before the agreed pick up time I started having a headache. Undeterred I took some advil to ease the pain. A little before they arrived to pick us up my headache was no better so I decided it was better to just sit this one out. Having no time to tell my gracious friends, my sister awaited their arrival to tell them.

Not long after they left I was rebuked by one of my parental units for not having given our friends fair warning that I was not going to attend. and that NEXT time I should tell them because now they are struggling looking for someone to use the last ticket.

So in this scenario I chose my own well-being over the convenience of my friends. Which is the right choice. Should I have, instead, gone to the showing and borne the headache "like a man." Thus by doing so keeping everyone happy except myself? Or did I make the right choice and save my own sanity and exchange that by disregarding my kind friends?

Do you see why I tend to "just deal" with my own irritations rather than be guilt-tripped each time I choose my own self over others?

Losing myself

I thought it'd be easier once the decision was made. But that only made it harder. I was fine before it was official. Now I can't take it anymore. It sucks. And it hurts a lot. I just want to be in control of myself again. I don't want to lose myself to anyone. Even that person.

God what should I do? The need to control my life is slowly suffocating my common sense. I want things to happen in my timing... and I know that that is wrong, but the way I feel now... I've lost myself already.

Someone Help Me.

Too Much Stress?

I know I'm being unreasonable by freaking out so much about my new job, but I want to do it right, so I need to practice. I also realize that I am over-stressing (I'm sure) but I don't know what else to do right now.

I need calmness and serenity... no what I need is some time of solitude... too bad i can't get that until Sunday.

"Helpful Hints from Heaven"?

That sounds extremely corny, but it was the best I could come up with on a short notice.

This is from my "message from God" application on Facebook.

"True respect for another comes from self respect. True love for another comes from self love. True forgiveness for another comes from self forgiveness."

That's something I need to remember daily.

Light at the end of a dark tunnel

The real world is a scary place. I don't know if I'm cut out for it.

There are times when I don't think i can make it. But then you hold out your hand. You comfort me when I need it the most. When I thought I'd been abandoned you showed me that someone still cared enough. When I gave up hope that anyone would ever care enough about me to chase after me you ran ahead of me and caught me up in your arms and said you'd never let go.

When I thought I had hurt you, and that you would hate me you smiled at me, we talked it over and you forgave my imperfections.

I can't be thankful enough for everything you've done for me. The happiness I feel, the smiles, the joy all of that is thanks to you.